ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
