Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
