I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
