Nicole vs. Life
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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