Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
