I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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