So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
