Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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