if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
