I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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