Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
