Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
