Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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