Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
