I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
