I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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