her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
