I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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