why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize