He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
