Its about making memories worth repressing
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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