non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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