So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
