I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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