You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
