So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
