I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
