he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
