Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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