that's an acceptable place to lick
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
