Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
