Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
