I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
