I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
