FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
