I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
