So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think i got beer on your cat.
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