Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
