my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
