Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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