and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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