Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
