Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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