Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
