Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
