Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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