I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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