sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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