I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize