we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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