Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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