How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
