Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They have beer where we have blood.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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