I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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