My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
