drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
