Nicole vs. Life
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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