just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
