Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
