Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
