I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
