I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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