operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
