Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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