Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
