My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
