ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
