Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
