just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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