Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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