party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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