ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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