we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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