There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize