He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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