Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
