Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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